- Ask him what’s going on, from a true place of wanting to understand what he’s experiencing.
- Ask yourself if your expectations of him are realistic. If not, attend to the situation.
- Does she have a need that’s not being met and needs to be attended to? Attend to the need.
- Give him the information he needs to shift his behavior of his own choice.
- If need be, state the limit calmly, clearly and firmly, addressing the behavior but being fully accepting of his feelings, without in any way making him feel bad about himself.
- If he’s upset, empathise with him. Give him the space and permission to feel what he’s feeling.
- Look for a positive outlet for his emotions and impulses. Enlist him in coming up with one.
- Look for win/win situations, so no-one has to give up on what’s important to them, and so he truly FEELS that you‘re on his team.
- Engage him in coming up with a solution.
- If your child is really upset, ride out the situation as best you can, empathising, and then talk with him about it once it’s passed, addressing the behavior and discussing what he could have done instead so you’re both prepared the next time.
2 general guidelines to always keep in mind when your children misbehave are to
1) address the cause of the behavior instead of the symptom and
2) make sure that your response will get you the long term result you want and isn’t just a quick fix.